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The Daily Showdown
October 15, 2018

"Today was one of those crazy, interesting days," Trevor Noah said on Monday's Daily Show, and he was mostly referring to Sen. Elizabeth Warren's (D-Mass.) DNA test and "Trump having to eat his words." The news that Warren appears to have a small amount of Native American ancestry, as her family lore holds, has prompted "an interesting ball of emotions for everyone involved," including Native Americans, some of whom seem to be arguing that Warren is claiming tribal membership, and Trump, who promised a $1 million donation if Warren took a DNA test.

As he sees it, Noah said, Warren's "not saying, 'Hey, I'm Native American!' She's just saying, 'Hey, as you can see, it's not like some random lie that my family made up, like I'm not even trying to claim the heritage, I'm just saying that this is where the story came from.' And then Donald today, not only did he say, basically, that he's not going to pay," but he later stipulated that he'll only pay now if he can test Warren himself. Trevor looked confused. "Like, he's the only person that says, 'I will only accept it if it's not an expert,'" he said. "That's such a strange thing to do."

But one thing is clear, Noah said: If he were Warren and entering a presidential debate against Trump, he would make sure they were playing a certain Rihanna song when she walked onstage.

You can watch Noah's full segment on Warren versus Trump below — including the "DNA plot twist," footage of Trump denying he said what he said, Kool-Aid, and this final twist of the knife: "So basically, this white man made a promise to Sen. Warren and then went back on what he said ..." Peter Weber

October 12, 2018

"As you probably know by now, there was a ranting lunatic in the Oval Office today — and he had to sit there quietly as Kanye West did this," Trevor Noah said on Thursday's Daily Show, teeing up a highlight reel of some of the deep ruminations Chairman Kanye shared with President Trump. "You know, Trump's mouth said 'That was impressive,' but you could see he was thinking: 'Is it racist if I call the cops?'" he said. "And I'm not a fan of this new Kanye West, but I will say I really enjoyed seeing Kanye make Trump feel the way Trump makes us feel every single day."

"So today was a weird day for President Trump, and I hope that he didn't catch up on other news after that meeting," Noah said, explaining authorities found a wall-nullifying, solar-powered, rail-equipped drug tunnel between California and Mexico. Also, the first lady explained the origin story of her "Be Best" anti-bullying campaign. "Wow, okay, I'm not going to lie, that's disappointing. Like, I though Melania Trump was inspired to fight cyberbullying because she cared about other people, but no, it turns out she created an entire campaign just to help herself," Noah sighed. "I can't wait to see what issue Melania finds important next." He had a suggestion. Watch below. Peter Weber

October 10, 2018

"These days, a celebrity voicing their political opinion is like climate change," Trevor Noah said on Tuesday's Daily Show: "It's happening every day, and most people ignore it. But there are still some celebrities who simply cannot be ignored." That category includes MAGA fanboy Kanye West, of course. "Yes, the right has a new favorite rapper, so step aside ... nobody," Noah joked. "Republicans have been celebrating the second coming of Yeezus as one of their own, but yesterday Democrats said 'Uh hey, Republicans, Imma let you finish but we just got one of the best endorsements of all time.'"

Taylor Swift essentially endorsing two Tennessee Democrats "is a really big deal, because you realize until now, Taylor Swift has stayed as far away from politics as she does from rhythm," Noah joked. "If anyone can get young people to vote, it's the woman who somehow got young people to buy physical CDs because she wasn't on Spotify." He highlighted President Trump's hilariously "weird" response to Swift's political coming-out and had some pithy advice for pro-Swift Republicans.

When Noah's audience had a negative reaction to Justice Brett Kavanaugh's name, he offered a spot-on Barack Obama imitation: "Uh, don't boo, vote." He played a bit of Trump's unusual prime-time ceremonial swearing-in ceremony, where Trump apologized to Kavanaugh on behalf of America and told some whoppers about the resolution of Kavanaugh's sexual assault allegations. "Proven innocent?" Noah said. "Okay, that's obviously not what happened. You can't just replace what actually happened with what you wished happened." He suggested a twist on the mistaken-identity theory.

Kavanaugh pledged to let bygones be bygones but Noah wasn't convinced: "I mean, he's saying nice things, but in the same way that a waiter is 'nice' to picky customers." He ended by noting how the Kavanaugh imbroglio has apparently juiced Republican voters and offering a bleak bit of "good" news to disappointed Democrats. Watch below. Peter Weber

October 5, 2018

The FBI finished its investigation into sexual assault allegations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, "and the bad news is, the White House loves it," Trevor Noah said on Thursday's Daily Show. "I don't know if we can call a five-day investigation sufficient, although I get why the White House thinks it is — I mean, they've never spent five consecutive days on anything." But this investigation also feels like "a sham" because the FBI left a ton of leads dangling, Noah said. "There were 40 people who said they had information for the FBI, and none of them got interviewed? This is the same FBI who came after me for duplicating a copy of Rambo III on VHS, but they don't have time for the Supreme Court?"

Only senators can view the tightly guarded report, "but this report was never meant for us," Noah said. "The only reason the GOP allowed the FBI to investigate was to satisfy the concerns of three senators: [Maine's Susan] Collins, [Alaska's Lisa] Murkowski, and [Arizona's Jeff] Flake. So it doesn't matter that the investigation wasn't thorough; what matters is that it gives these moderate Republicans the cover they need to vote yes. Basically, Mitch McConnell conducted this process the same way a parent 'checks' under their kid's bed for monsters: 'Okay, there's nothing there. Go to sleep now.'"

"So, it looks like, like it or not, 'Cocaine' Mitch has done it again," Noah said. "He successfully stole Obama's Supreme Court seat, and now he's bulldozed through the #MeToo movement to get Judge Keg Stand onto the Supreme Court."

In between scenes, Noah dropped the jokes and placed the Kavanaugh kerfuffle into his larger theory about how President "Trump's most powerful tool is that he knows how to wield victimhood," especially "to people who have the least claim to it." He focuses on men versus #MeToo but doesn't stop there. Watch below. Peter Weber

October 4, 2018

Trevor Noah took a mental health break from the Supreme Court nomination battle on Wednesday's Daily Show — "If you took a shot every time the news mentioned Brett Kavanaugh, you would be Brett Kavanaugh" — and circled back to President Trump, elected in part because "he sold himself as a self-made billionaire who would do for America what he did for himself." He dryly proclaimed himself "devastated" by The New York Times exposé that exploded that myth.

"This exposes Trump's whole origin story as a lie — and I mean, like, a total lie," Noah said. "This is like finding out that Superman was actually born in Cleveland and he can't even fly, it's just an elaborate system of pulleys." This wasn't just Trump's dad, Fred Trump, giving him "a leg up in life," he added. "He was basically all of his limbs." Trump's dad gave him three trust funds, made him a millionaire by age 8, and gifted him millions a year into his 50s.

"I bet Donald Trump never even got bullied, because if they ever took his lunch money, the bullies would instantly be in a higher tax bracket," Noah joked, channeling the bully: "I really want to give him a wedgie, but my accountant says it's not worth it. If we were in the Cayman Islands, boy, you'd be getting it right now!"

Noah recounted how, according to the Times, "Donald Trump — the president, by the way, remember? — stole half a billion dollars from the American government" through tax dodges, "needed his father to repeatedly bail out his failing businesses," and "will definitely not go to prison" thanks to the statutes of limitations. "And the worst part is, the Trump who blew through a fortune and stuck his dad with the bill? That Trump never went away," he said, pointing to Trump's ballooning national debt. "I guess what I'm saying is, we're all Fred Trump now." Peter Weber

October 1, 2018

President Trump was in a good mood Monday as he announced his revamped NAFTA trade deal with Canada and Mexico. "Part of the new trade deal is that Canada has to allow U.S. farmers more access to its dairy market," Trevor Noah said on Monday's Daily Show. "And people said it would be bad to elect a bully as president, but now, America is literally taking Canada's milk money, so I guess it worked."

"President Trump was so happy with his new NAFTA that, even when reporters changed the subject to Brett Kavanaugh and sexual assault, instead of getting angry, he just implicated everybody with a smile," suggesting that "Democrats, Republicans, we're all scumbags, forget about it," Noah said. But when Trump pivoted from Kavanaugh's drinking history to his own history as a teetotaler, asking everybody to imagine what a disaster it would be if he drank, Noah just laughed. "I never thought I'd say these words, but I totally agree with Donald Trump," he said, before entertaining second thoughts. "Although, I think that Trump is so crazy that he's the one guy who would become a better person when he's drunk."

"So, today was a good day for the president," Noah said. Along with being able to brag about his trade deal, "he even walked away from his new deal culturally enriched." That teed up the clip about Trump calling the news media "loco," and Noah found it hilarious. "Man, this guy's gonna kill us all, but he's a comedy legend, you have to admit. Because he makes it sound like he got the word 'loco' as part of the trade deal."

Noah was so tickled by Trump's use of the word "loco" that he elaborated during the break about why "that line was honestly one of the funniest things I've ever heard him say." Watch below. Peter Weber

September 13, 2018

"As Hurricane Florence bears down on the East Coast, most people are preparing for the pending disaster," Trevor Noah said on Thursday's Daily Show. "President Trump, on the other hand, is still trying to deal with the disaster he's created for himself" with his morning tweets falsely claiming that only a handful of people were killed in Puerto Rico due to last year's Hurricane Maria, not the official tally of nearly 3,000 deaths. "I think I get what Trump was saying," Noah said. "He's saying he would have won the hurricane if you deduct the thousands of people who died illegally."

"You see, what the president doesn't seem to understand is that the effects of a hurricane last long after the storm has actually passed," Noah said. "This should be pretty easy to understand. Like, the people on the Titanic who froze in the water still died because of the crash. The iceberg wasn't, like 'Yo, I didn't kill nobody, I just scraped some paint off a boat. You can take that other sh-t up with the ocean, man.'"

"So Trump's tweets today were wrong in many ways — factually, morally, grammatically," Noah said, and that's why he got blowback from across the political spectrum. "So now, America isn't just dealing with Hurricane Florence, it also has to deal with Sh-tstorm Donald," he added. And since The Daily Show actually knows how to cover that kind of storm, Noah was joined by Roy Wood Jr., Desi Lydic, and Ronny Chieng for "full-team coverage" of the unnatural disaster emanating from Washington. It is mildly NSFW at times. Watch below. Peter Weber

September 11, 2018

President Trump's terse 9/11 tweet on Tuesday — "17 years since September 11th!" — "upset a lot of people," Trevor Noah said on The Daily Show. But give the president some credit, he said. "It is the most factually accurate thing Trump has tweeted about in about three months." More to the point, "compared to what Trump normally says about 9/11, today's tweet was a huge step in the right direction," Noah added. "Because Trump has never been able to talk about 9/11, on Twitter or in real life, without being totally weird about it." He ran thorough some of the "bizarre, emotionally out-of-step s--t about 9/11" Trump has said since, well, Sept. 11, 2001, when he focused on how he now had the tallest building in Lower Manhattan.

The Daily Show's Desi Lydic dissected one Trump 9/11 tweet in particular, the 2013 one about "haters and losers," and you can watch that below. Peter Weber

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