last night on late night
November 20, 2019

Washington was consumed with Day 3 of the impeachment hearings on Tuesday, but "there's an even bigger scandal rocking D.C. today, and — just a warning — if you have small children at home, you should probably bring them over to the TV to watch this," Trevor Noah said on Tuesday's Daily Show. "This" was a clip of Rep. Eric Swalwell's (D-Calif.) Monday night interview on MSNBC's Hardball being interrupted by what sounded an awful lot like very loud flatulence.

"That was a fart on live TV, and it was a loud fart, too," Noah cringed. He played it again. "Yeah, that was unmistakably a giant fart," he said, adding that to be fair to Swalwell, "it could have been the host, Chris Matthews. In fact, this is the viral argument that everyone has been talking about online: Who let it rip?" MSNBC blamed it on a mug scraping across the desk and Swalwell claimed "TOTAL EXONERATION!" Correspondent Desi Lydic didn't buy it. Along with his body language, "Swalwell's quick denial is the biggest tell of all," she said. "Might I remind you, Trevor, that the law says: 'He who denied it, supplied it.' It's right there in the Constitution."

Stephen Colbert had the same joke on The Late Show.

Though that joke apparently never made it out of rehearsal.

The Tonight Show's Jimmy Fallon ran with it, a little sheepishly. "The other big political story is that the hashtag #Fartgate was trending yesterday after people thought Rep. Eric Swalwell may have passed gas on live TV," he said. "I guess we finally know who the whistleblower is." He showed other poorly timed TV farts and managed to work in Baby Yoda. Watch below. Peter Weber

November 8, 2019

From the venerable Hole in the Wall to the sloppy pavement of Dirty 6th, the august campus of the University of Texas, and the Darrell K. Royal–Texas Memorial Stadium, Jimmy Fallon played all the hits to kick off his Tonight Show from Austin, Texas. Mostly, he sang an Austin-specific version of "Thank God I'm A Country Boy," a song made famous by one-time Texas resident John Denver.

Fallon shamelessly wore a Longhorns shirt, insulted the University of Oklahoma, praised Texas barbecue, paid homage to Daniel Johnston, raised the Hook 'em Horns salute, and sang about the "hot-ass weather" — though it was 45 degrees in Austin on Thursday night, only slightly warmer than New York City. The crowd of UT students in Bass Concert Hall ate up every word.

"I am so pumped to bring The Tonight Show to UT," Fallon said in his monologue. "Because if you saw my grades in high school, you'd know this was the only way I was getting into UT." So many students wanted to attend the show, "we had to do a lottery for tickets," he said. "But if you wanted to come somewhere that's easy to get into, y'all would be at Texas A&M right now."

"I wanted to let you all know that there will be no political jokes tonight," Fallon said. "I also want to note that your school colors are white and burnt orange, so you're making it pretty hard." That was accompanied by a photo of the vice president and president, naturally.

Actor and newly minted UT professor Matthew McConaughey then laid out for Fallon what he sees at Austin's values in his role as the official Texas minister of culture.

McConaughey also tried and gave up on teaching Fallon his script class, but he did help Fallon perform "The Eyes of Texas," the UT reconfiguration of "I've Been Working On the Railroad," with some vaguely creepy imagery about an all-seeing eye. Watch below. Peter Weber

November 7, 2019

Stephen Colbert had Dame Helen Mirren and Sir Ian McKellen as guests on Wednesday's Late Show, and he asked if they'd do him a favor. "You're trying to, you know, Brexit ... Britain exiting the European Union," Colbert told his British guests. "We're trying to get Trump to exit the Oval Office — we're attempting a Trexit over here."

"Donald Trump, you may have heard, released a transcript of him essentially extorting the Ukrainian president," Colbert said. "Now, he says it's a 'perfect' phone call, perfectly innocent, and he wants to read it on air in a fireside chat, and he thinks when he reads it out loud, it will suddenly seem so innocent that you won't want him removed from office. And since I have two of the greatest living actors right here, I was wondering if ... " And he handed out their scripts.

It was actually just one line from Trump's July 25 phone call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, but it's a memorable one. Colbert had Mirren and McKellen act out the line in different tones, but it made no difference, Mirren said. "There's no way of saying that any other way except for guiltily. Because it's a guilty phrase."

Mirren and McKellen also discussed their new film, The Good Liar, and tried out their own lying chops on Colbert. You can watch that below. Peter Weber

November 4, 2019

It took winning the Electoral College to dislodge Donald Trump from New York, and when he was inaugurated as America's 45th president, the song he chose for his first dance was the Frank Sinatra hit "My Way." And now, it turns out, the end really was near for his life as a New Yorker, because last week he figuratively followed other septuagenarian New Yorkers down I-95 to Florida, his new official home.

Some New Yorkers are undoubtedly sad to see the Queens-born Manhattanite depart the Big Apple (at least for tax purposes), but Stephen Colbert isn't among them, and his Late Show repurposed another late-Sinatra hit to bid him farewell on Monday's show.

Trump and Sinatra do have some things in common: They both grew up in the shadow of Manhattan, crossed the river to make their fortunes in the big city, became Republicans late in life, had reputed mob ties, and married multiple times. But Sinatra was not a Trump fan. And while they still proudly play "New York, New York" at Yankees games, Trump can't even attend a UFC mixed martial arts fight at Madison Square Garden without getting booed. As Sinatra sang, that's life. Peter Weber

November 1, 2019

Nancy Pelosi is the first woman elected House speaker, and "her latest project is impeaching the president of the United States," Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show, introducing his main guest. Pelosi was a little less glib. "This is a sad thing for our country," she said, adding later: "We don't want to impeach a president, we don't want the reality that a president has done something that is in violation of the Constitution."

It is a solemn thing, but "the reason why people do get happy, why you hear the applause sometimes," Colbert said, pointing to his audiences, "is because people want to know that actions have consequences, and there have been so few consequences for this president." Before news broke of President Trump's infamous call with Ukraine's president, "I had not been, shall we say, enthusiastic" about impeachment, but "this was something that you could not ignore," Pelosi said. While Trump probably violated his oath of office and the Constitution, she added, she will reserve judgment until he has the chance to defend himself to the House.

"It seems like it's an investigation truly in reverse," Colbert said, "in that we found the guy with the bloody knife in his hand and the dead body, now the investigation is to find if enough people care."

Pelosi said she doesn't get why no Republicans backed Thursday's vote on the procedures for impeachment, since "it gave them more rights than we ever received in any of the other impeachment proceedings." She also chided Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell for calling himself "the Grim Reaper, that everything we send over there will die in the Senate. And then in the next breath he says 'All they do is impeach.' Well, we've sent him scores of bills," many of them really popular among the public.

Assuming the House impeaches Trump, "are you prepared for how rough it's going to get?" Colbert asked Pelosi. "Because you know the guy's not going to go easy." Pelosi recounted some advice she gives, that sometimes in politics you have to "throw a punch — for the children." Watch below. Peter Weber

October 31, 2019

First-term Rep. Katie Hill (D-Calif.) will give her final floor speech on Thursday and resign on Friday after she acknowledged an inappropriate relationship with a campaign staffer but denied allegations about a sexual relationship with a congressional aide. Her departure may raise issues about double standards for male and female politicians. But "Hill's resignation is the right thing to do — you should not have sex with the people who work for you," Samantha Bee said on Wednesday's Full Frontal, making one exception for Capt. Von Trapp of Sound of Music fame.

"So yes, Katie Hill is making the right call, but she herself is a victim of something that is disturbing and wrong," revenge porn, Bee said. "Hill says her private photos were leaked, without her consent, by her estranged husband, and published by RedState and the Daily Mail, two of the vilest, nastiest things to exist on the internet. ... Revenge porn weaponizes people's sexuality against them, and it doesn't just hurt people living public lives — 12 percent of Americans between the ages of 18 and 29 have had intimate photos shared without their consent."

"The issue isn't with people taking nude pictures, the issue is with the people who share them without consent," Bee said. Almost every state — 46 of 50 — has a revenge porn law. "But those laws don't always go far enough," some requiring the victim to prove malicious intent, while in Arizona, for example, they "went way too far," she explained. "No one is saying this is easy to get right," though Illinois hit the sweet spot by focusing on consent, not motivation. But Bee saw hope for a federal law, too, because "if there's one politician who definitely has intimate recordings he doesn't want to get leaked," it's the guy who would sign the legislation. Watch below. Peter Weber

October 31, 2019

Seth Meyers is in total agreement with the anonymous Republican senator who told The Washington Post that dealing with President Trump's Ukraine scandal "feels like a horror movie."

"Yeah, every minute with Donald Trump feels like a horror movie," Meyers said on Wednesday's Late Night. "That's why Rudy [Giuliani] always looks like he just closed the medicine cabinet and saw the reflection of the killer behind him."

Trump doesn't make it easy for Republicans to defend him, Meyers said, as his denials don't sound credible and new damning evidence seems to come out every day. Trump's constant attempts to explain away his phone call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky also aren't helping, he argued, because saying the conversation was "perfect" dozens of times is actually convincing people of the opposite. "When you overcompensate like that, it only makes you sound guiltier," Meyers said.

"Remember during the Russia investigation when everyone was wondering if there would be a smoking gun?" Meyers said. "Well, this is the smoking gun. It turns out the smoking gun was Donald Trump's mouth the whole time. And his brain, much like a revolver, is only capable of holding six words." (Those words are "witch," "hunt," "huge," "crooked," "wall," and, of course, "perfect.") Watch the video, which includes Meyers trying to make sense of Trump's weird technique for passing out Halloween candy, below. Catherine Garcia

October 30, 2019

"President Trump and first lady Melania Trump hosted trick-or-treaters at the White House yesterday and gave out full-size Hershey bars," Seth Meyers said on Tuesday's Late Night. "And the kids were super excited — until they got the bill." Yes, "President Trump and Melania passed out candy to trick-or-treaters on the White House lawn, I'm guessing for the first time?" he added, showing Trump not quite getting the concept. "Why are you putting it on his head?"

"Things got a little weird when they started handing out candy to the trick-or-treaters," James Corden narrated at The Late Late Show. "There's a cute Minion coming up, but look, rather than putting the candy bar in the bag, Trump just puts it on his head. What is even going on here? Those are two people who definitely don't know how children work. Trump should be very comfortable around minions — his Cabinet is full of them."

"To kick things off, the president and the first lady walked out to the Addams Family theme song," Stephen Colbert said at The Late Show. "That's nice. Also, makes sense. The Trumps are creepy, kooky, and have their own Uncle Fester."

Jimmy Kimmel also had a Rudy Giuliani joke at Kimmel Live, and he noted some of Trump's other musical selections. "What kind of music do you play when you have a bunch of kids coming over?" he asked. "That's right, Michael Jackson — I guess maybe they don't get HBO at the White House."

"Trump and Melania hung in for about an hour yesterday, and you can see some of the kids just skip right by the president," Kimmel said. "Really kind of sad." He showed Trump's odd moment with "one of the minions who doesn't work for him," then rolled out some special effects. Watch below. Peter Weber

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