Six months into the Trump presidency and you are already hearing a lot about Watergate, "the original recipe of gates," Samantha Bee said on Wednesday's Full Frontal. "But the thrilling discovery that Nixon's presidency was cut short after a mere 67 months in office may be making liberals a bit giddy." Full Frontal sent correspondents Mike Rubens and Ashley Nicole Black to a Trump impeachment rally in California, and they went back and forth between asking questions and openly rolling their eyes.
Impeachment would require an improbable chain of events beginning with House Speaker Paul Ryan, passing through Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and ending up with Republicans voting to convict and sack their own president, Rubens notes. "That's why more presidents have been removed from office by cholera than impeachment." Still, the liberals at the rally persisted, undeterred. "Maybe the allure of an impossible dream was much easier to get behind than the reality of fighting for incremental change," Rubens suggested. But at least they found one young marcher who made sense. Watch the impossible high hopes and ignored practical suggestions below. Peter Weber
It's hard to defend something that you don't understand, Seth Meyers said on Thursday's Late Night, which is likely why President Trump is having such a hard time making a convincing case for the Republican health-care bill.
Meyers makes the case that Trump clearly knows nothing about health care; the president uses the vaguest terms to talk about it, never gives any details, and skims the surface of the issue. He probably shouldn't bring it up anyway — a USA Today poll that came out Wednesday said only 12 percent approve of the Senate Republicans' plan. "Twelve percent? His health-care bill is an iPhone in a horror movie," Meyers said. "It's going to hit zero and everyone is going to die."
When Trump does talk about health care, he liberally uses adjectives like "good," "great," and "fantastic," making him sound like "a high school student who didn't read the book, or have the book, or know how to read," Meyers said. Trump's fellow Republicans are willing to call him out for this, too; several senators have spoken to the media and said after talking with him about health care, he seems to have little understanding of the principles and usually isn't taken seriously. He's also making promises he has no way of keeping by convincing polar-opposite moderate and conservative Republicans that he's willing to make the changes they both want. "He's less like a CEO and more like a mall Santa," Meyers said. "A bike? Sure. Train set? No problem. I'm not real? You guessed it."
So why does Trump still have support from Republicans, even though he doesn't understand health care and his Twitter rants have "gone from confusing to, 'Mommy, why is the man on the subway yelling so loud and where are his underpants?'" Watch the video below for Meyers' theory. Catherine Garcia
If Republicans actually pass their health-care bill and more than 20 million people no longer have health care, "folks are going to have to look for alternative medical treatment like prayer, or being rich, or praying to become rich," Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "Well, in these dark days of doubt, thank goodness for Gwyneth Paltrow and her lifestyle brand, Goop." The product he focused on is Body Vibes stickers, which Goop describes as "wearable stickers that promote healing," promising such benefits as curing hangovers, promoting mental focus, and even hydration. "Man, I'm so thirsty I need a big tall box of stickers," Colbert joked.
"Previously, if you wanted wearable stickers that promote healing, you had to buy a box of band-aids," Colbert deadpanned. But for a 10-pack of Body Vibes stickers, you'll have to fork over $60. "For that price, you're going to want to pick up their anti-anxiety sticker for the panic attack you'll get when you realize you spent your rent money on stuff they give children free at the dentist," he said. He entertained himself and his audience by digging into the claims, including that the stickers use a NASA technology that NASA scientists say doesn't exist and call "BS," and something about cells vibrating like forks. "Yes, Goop has apparently consulted with top fork scientists to create these stickers," Colbert said, "so what Goop is saying is, Buy these stickers and go fork yourself."
"Well, as you know, I, too, have a celebrity lifestyle brand, Covetton House," Colbert said, "and Goop has inspired us to expand our own product line." That's when the mockery really begins. Watch below. Peter Weber
The Senate Republicans' health-care plan is "almost comically villainous," Seth Meyers said Monday night, with its tax cuts for the wealthy paid for by gutting Medicaid.
"The only way this bill could be more cartoonishly evil is if it mandated tying damsels in distress to railroad tracks," he said on Late Night. On Monday, the Congressional Budget Office release its report projecting that the GOP plan would leave 22 million more people uninsured over the next 10 years, and that's "savage," Meyers said, and precisely why Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) kept the bill under wraps until last Thursday, pushing for a vote sometime this week. "This bill is like a Slipknot tramp stamp," Meyers said. "You definitely want to hide it, and the people who've seen it are terrible people." Watch the video below for more on the CBO score, and how former President Barack Obama sneakily trolled President Trump. Catherine Garcia
The health-care bill drafted by Senate Republicans finally emerged from behind closed doors on Thursday, and with its cuts to Medicaid to fund tax cuts for the rich, the plan is "breathtakingly cruel," Seth Meyers said.
On Thursday's Late Night, Meyers took a closer look at the bill, which Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) wants to have a vote on as early as next week, despite the fact that it was crafted during secretive meetings that were only open to a select group of Republicans. McConnell was "basically writing it by himself behind closed doors and nobody is ever doing anything good behind closed doors," Meyers said. "If your teenage son was locked in his bedroom this long, you wouldn't say, 'Hey buddy, are you doing extra credit homework in there?'"
Even people who were supposed to be writing the bill with McConnell were left in the dark; Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah) was a member of the working group that was tasked with putting the plan together, but he said in a video earlier this week that he couldn't answer questions from constituents about it because he hadn't seen the bill yet. "Wait, you're supposed to be writing it and you haven't seen it?" Meyers exclaimed. "That's like your doctor saying, 'I think your liver transplant was successful, but I don't know, I was at the movies.'"
Meyers also noted how interesting it was that back when ObamaCare was coming together, there were more than 100 hearings and months of debates, but McConnell complained every step of the way, saying things were moving too fast and nothing was transparent. He shared a medley of McConnell's greatest hypocritical hits from 2009 and 2010, and it's almost as if McConnell's accusations against the Democrats and ObamaCare were actually predictions of what he would be doing in 2017 — he said, among other things, that "the bill we're being asked to consider was assembled behind closed doors out of sight without input from the public" and "they're doing everything they can to jam this bill through, and they don't even seem to care anymore about how ugly it all looks." Oh, how times have changed. Watch the video below. Catherine Garcia
It's been a rough few days in Washington, as President Trump and his legal team cannot agree on whether he is under investigation, but there was one bright spot on Monday: Jared Kushner's voice was finally heard.
Trump's son-in-law and senior adviser was a "secretive presence, best known for silently lurking behind Trump in meetings," Seth Meyers said on Monday's Late Night, but with all of the bad press surrounding the White House, someone in the administration thought it would be a great idea to get Kushner to speak in public. During a meeting with tech CEOs, Kushner started talking about something, but really, everyone was just paying attention to what his voice sounded like. Meyers wasn't impressed. "That's the mastermind who tried to set up a back channel with Russia?" he asked, adding, "His title says 'senior adviser,' but his voice says 'senior at Claremont High School.'"
Meyers eventually moved on from Kushner's vocals to Trump tweeting that he is being "investigated for firing the FBI Director by the man who told me to fire the FBI Director," even though he insisted weeks ago that it was solely his decision to fire former FBI Director James Comey. White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer has always said Trump's tweets speak for themselves, "and they should," Meyers said. "They are the president's words, written by the president, with no interference from anyone else. If the official White House statement is milk in the grocery store, Donald Trump's Twitter feed is the actual udder." On Sunday, though, the latest member of Trump's legal team to appear on the morning shows bounced around saying Trump is not under investigation, even going so far to say Trump's tweet was based on a false report. It's enough to confuse anyone, so just sit back, listen to Meyers' Kushner impression, and call it a day. Catherine Garcia
After two decades, Fox News is changing its most famous catchphrase. Yes, "Fox News is dropping its 'Fair & Balanced' slogan," Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show. "I assume because they finally watched themselves." One Fox News insider told New York that the slogan was being dropped because it was so widely "mocked," and Colbert took a short bow.
"For now, Fox News will be using its other slogan, 'Most Watched, Most Trusted,' but there are some other phrases that they briefly considered," he said: "'CNN For Your Angry Uncle,' 'Thanks For Watching, Mr. President!', and perhaps the most controversial rejected slogan of all, 'You'd Be Pretty if You Smiled More.'" Colbert also talked about dinosaurs and the newly relaxed urination laws in New York City. Watch below. Peter Weber
"Jamie Foxx, the most talented man on Earth," Jimmy Fallon said at the end of their game of Random Genre Generator on Thursday's Tonight Show, and Foxx's performance made a pretty good case that Fallon wasn't just gushing. Foxx certainly has the musical and acting skills to excel at Fallon's game, which matches a song with a genre of music, purportedly at random, forcing the participant to sing the song in the correct style. Fallon is good at this, too, and his '50s crooner rendition of "Can't Feel My Face" is spot-on. But Foxx drew some hard combinations, and he spun them into gold. This is why he's a star. Watch below. Seriously. Peter Weber